did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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