No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
