Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
