watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
