i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
