there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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