Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
