Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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