I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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