??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
