it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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