Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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