she looked like the before picture.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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