If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
