Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
