I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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