Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
