I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
