so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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