I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
