Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
