It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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