I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
