The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
