He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
