Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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