even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
