I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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