When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
