We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
