eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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