so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
