3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
