Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
