why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
