i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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