So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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