You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
