it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's the barista slut.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
