just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
