I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My breasts were aching with rage.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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