Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
BRING THE BAGELS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
