Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
