The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
