So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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