; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
