she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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