and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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