he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
