i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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