She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
