if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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