We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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