she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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