Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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