it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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