dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
